It’s surprising how much you can learn about your life goals from a quick glance at your internet or phone browser. When engaged in this kind of research, it’s easy to justify it as self improvement. But this constant craving for a new, improved life carries a message: that life is not okay just as it is. And this goal-oriented mode of thinking can chip away at our well-being.
The comparison crisis in today’s digitally driven culture doesn’t help. If it’s not the internet, drawing you in, it’s social media. The edited highlights of other people’s lives become unrealistic benchmarks against which to measure happiness and success. And they are unrealistic: When was the last time you saw a Facebook picture of someone washing the dishes or arguing with their partner? When you see other people with seemingly better lives, jobs, partners, and houses it widens the gap between where you are and where you think you ought to be. The goalposts get moved and you can become dissatisfied with your life by seeing the highlights of the lives of others.”
This insatiable wanting has been around a lot longer than Facebook. This focus on the gap between what is and what is desired is seen as the “doing” mode of mind. It doesn’t have to be like this. There is a way to escape the shackles of the doing mode of mind, to let go of this exhausting and insatiable desire for things to be different and to embrace things just the way they are. And it doesn’t involve burying your laptop and smartphone. In fact, it involves doing very little – other than noticing when the mind is in this potentially harmful mode and gently escorting the attention to what is happening right now. Cue: the just “being” mode.
Here are 4 steps to move from “doing” to just “being”.
1. Notice. The first step to disengaging from the doing mode is to notice when you are caught in its vise-like grip. Unfortunately, one of the key traits of this mental gear is it tends to thrive when you are on autopilot. As such, you can spend long periods of time scrolling through Facebook or daydreaming, without even realizing you are doing it. The more you practice, the more adept you will become at catching yourself in this mode.
2. Come back to the present. When you have caught yourself in “doing” mode, change gear by bringing your mind back to the present. Take five deep breaths and assess what is happening right now.
3. Take a moment of gratitude. Before you go back to your daily activities, use this pause as an opportunity to appreciate what you have in your life.
4. Swap longing for living. Instead of yearning for a happy future, discover joy right now. Every time you catch yourself reaching for your phone to scroll through your social media feeds make a conscious choice to seize the moment and spend the time doing something nourishing – an activity that is guaranteed to make you feel good. Dance around to your favorite song, read a good book, get creative – bake, color, needlepoint, gardening, and wood shop until you feel good.
by Tammy Vaughn, Aging Services, Inc.
